Archive for September, 2010

Are you qualified to advise people?

Yup.. If are you thinking that I have gone mad, then maybe you are the one that I will be spewing my venom against, and you still have the option of saying  fcuk off you hole in the ass.

I mean, seriously, can you really advise people? Its not that you need another degree that many people are thinking of  pursuing (or rather following someones advise ). Neither is it about what you need to know. Its just that do have the brains (thats the squishy thing inside your skull for morons) to actually give out advises?

Mind you because taking and giving advise is what everyone does . And I mean it. Ever since the day you started to communicate, you have been listening to the rants of getting up early, brushing your teeth, having a light breakfast / lunch / dinner / whatever in between, and going to sleep on time. Now, as if that was not sufficient, you were also advised (rather enforced upon) to not piss in your own pants. Actually in this case, even when you could not communicate, this was a big embarrassment when you knowingly pissed and then people would start playing the game of pass it on until you reached your mother and then she would say it playfully that “LITTLE ANGEL, YOU SHOULD NOT DO THAT” so you see how deeply we are surrounded with advises.

Then you grew up, went to school and you started your tradition of advises. Telling your mates what your mom says about studies / sleeping / pissing and all. Now as if this was not enough, you even took advises like whom to avoid, whom to befriend , what colour of underwear is the most cool… blah blah blah…

Then finally the day you graduated, then took advises on which firm to join, whats the normally expected salary, when is the next increment, which car / bike to buy etc etc..

The hopeless list just goes on.. and on..and on.. and on..

Now in this whole process, you took / gave advises to almost every category of person that I can ever imagine. Like your friend, bro, mother, father, sis, gardener, driver etc etc.. even the toilet cleaner was not spared ( I kinda have a liking for toilets you know… but its a different topic altogether).

Now my point is have you ever considered their advises with full faith? And who is to blame when the advise goes wrong? Mind you this is a very serious question.

You blew up things with any random girl just to prove to your friends that you are in demand? And your gf caught you just when you were gonna blow it up?

You joined engineering just cos the distant friend of your neighbour’s distant cousin’s son had managed to get a salary of 2.88 after the unsaid struggle of 7 years?? and you still are jobless?

There might have cropped a lot of examples in your mind when you took a decision just because the president of america said that he had to go to potty every 3 hrs 25 mins and 45 secs when he uses the pen made of recycled toilet paper! and you are thinking that “wish this fcuker does not pull this up here. its so much of an embarrassment here”

Now who is to blame? You? who thought their advise was worthy at all. Or was it you? who never thought about the consequences and never applied your brain (thats the size of a micoscopic bacteria)? Did you ever think of who would be the best candidate to ask for advises?

If the answer to any of the above questions is NO, maybe you need to get your brains swollen so that they can be detected by an electron microscope. Dont worry one of them will be able to detect your brain and say that weather it’s actually yours or a bacteria donated it to you. They have become extremely powerful these days and can easily detect even the smallest of all virusses !

So now getting back to the point before I run out of the space here, the point that I am trying to put forward is not that you need a zillion core pentium core zillion duo procesor with a storage space of a similar zeta-bytes. Its plain common sense that think before you act and same applies to thinking before you ask for advises.

You asked for the advise and worse still, you chose to follow it and when it goes wrong, you put the blame on someone who you know cant say anything.

By qualified to advise I mean that do you have the ability to guage a person’s requirements as opposed to what you want out of that discussion? Even a shopkeeper is qualified to advise, but he wont suggest a low profit product over a high profit one even if he needs to misguide you..

its something like this.

Man:- I need a good shampoo for dandruff

shopkeeper :- sir I have the headless and shoulderless. Very good shampoo saar. You will like it saar.

Man:- how much?

Shopkeeper:- dont worry saar, its worth the money. I will get it packed.

Man:- wait show me that “clinical all cleared”.

Shopkeeper:- saar that’s old stock. All rejected pieces saar. This H&S is very good.

Man:- ok.

Pays the money and leaves

Now after reaching the magnificent hotel (yes a hotel), he realises he could have bought an sachet instead of the 150 bucks bottle since was to stay only for 2 days. Later when he calls up home, realises the clinical one was better. Now feeling like a donkey, curses his luck and gets to the bath. Then he realises that the hotel provides a sachet of shampoo by default. Now who is at fault?

the man cos he was not insistent on asking the price and quality to someone else?

Or was it the shopkeeper who did sell him the wrong shampoo and that too a bottle when he could see that he was a tourist?

Or was it the booking agent who did not care to inform him as to what the hotel will be like?

Or was it him who never inquired about the hotel or asked his wife cos she gets the shampoo at home?

So if you get the point, everyone gives an advise from their perspective of the problem, not yours. It’s your duty to realise this and check the ability of the person to advise.

Another similar story is like this.

A man was going to an important place and was going to pick up his wife and a friend to come along. Midway, the sole of his shoe came off. Desperate to get it repaired, he asked a cobbler if the shoe could be repaired or should he buy a new one. The cobbler promptly replied that the shoe could be repaired happy about this, the man got it repaired and picked up his wife.

As soon as she noticed his shoes, she said “since they are going to an important place, he should get a good new one”. So the man decided for a bata shoe store nearby, and got a new one. Soon the wife commented, “this shoe looks worse than the size of your dcik (you know what I mean)”. So the man now went to a woodland showroom with his wife and got a set of sparkling new awesome shoes. Happy with his new buy and that they would definitely impress anyone on the face of this earth, he then picked up his friend who took them to the place which was very important to visit. Any guesses where he took them??

It was a temple. Soon the man realised that his pet dog was puking after eating his brain which the man wasnt using and somewhere the brain fell off (which was completely rotten anyway).

So the moral here is same as all of the story above. Does the person who you have dared to ask for, knows what are your requirements?

Mind you everyone advises cos its free. Ask the person for his liability and watch him run faster than a leopard, even if the ass of the leopard is on fire.

So the next time you ask for advise, pause, and think if you really need the advice from the person.


Why are you here?

Now that you have stumbled upon this link,  you are either one of the types who know me or one of those who dont! Now, knowing me has not  been declared a crime. Atleast not yet. so you can still safely read further if you want. eitherways you have spent a couple of your download limit kBs on this page so its well worth the read.

          The reason Why I am here is not because I have a zeal to help suckheads in their matters nor is it because I consider myself  a person with excellent writing skills, neither is it because i love to flaunt my vocabulary (read as sick vocabulary), or to announce the birth of another rising star or anything even remotely related to any thing logical. I am here to just vent out my frustration (and the warm gases, almost in literal sense) that I cant put it else where. Not that I am the sort of the remote sitting frustrated bickering guy, but its just that something gnaws from inside that “WAKE UP DUDE” what are you up to now?

                  Now most of the ppl who know me will start reading between the lines. Just go forth you suckheads in doing that cos if you do think that this is not worth reading then it really aint worth the effort on your part.  Actually if you just close this window now then you wont miss much here. for a favour, you can actually register your protest against me on . I will actually earn a fortune out of this and then you wont have to read the mindless rants / bickering here.

                  For others (who still are intrested in knowing what the fcuk is written here and how they can use it), I will narrate you a small story.

                 When I was in first year engineering pursuing the mechanical stream (Yup i am a mechanical student and you can stop laughing if you know how i have cleared that), I was fortunate to have a BASICS OF MECH ENGINERING  teacher who was trying to explain HOW EVEN THE MOST COMPLEX OF MACHINES WORK ON SIMPLE LOGIC.  Its not that she did not know what she was teaching,  but its actually that she did not have an idea as to how low she will have to go before anything enters my head / brainless space on the top of the my torso.

so the conversation was like:-

she:- deepak, (me stood up) can you please explain the basic structure of AN RCC FRAME also known as top beam in buildings for idiots ?

me:- no, madam

she:- what do you mean by no?

me:- madam, I did not read the lesson last night so i dont remember the exact construction (surrounding people were giggling like the hideous monsters under the beds)

she was obviously annoyed, but still since she was a very good teacher, politely asked

she :- does that mean that you do not know anything about your field?

me:- (trying to prove that i am not a hopeless Idiot) Its made up of 70% mud and rocks (i meant gravel but sounded otherwise) and rest is just steel rods. It is cast by workers under the scorching sun so that when the cement dries, it becomes as hard and strong as clay and so that they can put a roof on top of it and then escape from the sun.

the lecture hall was filled with peels of laughter.

she (now very annoyed):- shut up you idiot, can you explain why are there more steel rods at the bottom and fewer at the top of the beam?

me:- (triumphantantly) yes madam, that is because when the beam is wet, the steel rods settkle down on thelower side so when it hardens, they remain there.

This time, the lecture had become the sort of a laughter challenge series with me as the clown.

she:- was that a joke?

me:- no madam but thats all that i understood in the lecture.

she then explained in detail as to what it is and all my zillion questions.

                Now, The reason why i chose to reply rather than give up was because of my upbringing which taught me NEVER BACK DOWN & If you do not know, express it clearly. which is precisely Why I am here.

                 now if you have stopped laughing at that stupidity of mine, I will explain what i am saying. the very reason of losing a battle is giving up the hope to win. the human nature is such that the mind starts acting what you decide from the heart. now the first thought that flashed in yur mind was how do we decide from the heart? actually we do and we do it unknowingly. If you are walking / strolling, you wont look for an auto unless the thought crosses your mind that you are tired. you may be able to still walk for miles but now you start feeling tired and legs weaken. that what the mind does. it just reacts to what you have decided.

generally you can work till 10 in night but many times you just dont cos you are not in the mood or because you know that its not even a bit urgent and a sword wont dangle loosely above your head if you do it the next day. and then you just start feeling tired and simply pass time till the bell rings (which is what i am waiting for now).

             your brain is your best friend and enemy and as rightly pointed out in the movie 3 idiots, just say ALL IS WELL. it actually ignites the mind to a figting spirit. and that all that we really need the fighting spirit.

             If you are still not getting it, i will drop a bombshell here that neither do i know why am i here! c mon man i am serious, I wrote the above thingy just because I believed I could write it, and now that the siren is shouting out loud that “SUCKERS WHO ARE NOT INTRESTED TO WORK CAN LEAVE”

Ps:- that is precisely the reason why i am also signing out here…

All Is Well

PS:- If you were really finding finding the reason why you are living?  or why do you work when you hate to do that or it could be even related to your wife beating the hell out of you for changing the channel for her daily Idiot box soap doses. whatever it is now, the problem exists only if you give up.

Remember- only dead stuff rots not the living one

%d bloggers like this: