Posts from the ‘Mindless Reads’ Category

Bhaag bhaag Dk Bose


daddy mujhse bola…
tu galti hai meri…
tujhpe zindgaani…
guilty hai meri…
saabun ki shakal mein…
beta tu to nikla keval jhaag..
jhaag… jhaag… bhaag…

bhaag bhaag… bhaag bhaag…
bhaag bhaag… bhaag bhaag…

Oh by God lag gayi…
kya se kya hua…
dekha to katora…
jaaga to kuan…
piddi jaisa chooha…
dum pakda to nikla kaala naag…
naag… naag…. bhaag…

bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK Bose DK bose
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK bhaag…
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK Bose DK bose
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK bhaag…
abhi aayi abhi aayi abhi aayi abhi aayi
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK bhaag…
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK Bose DK bose
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK bhaag… abhi aayi yay…

bhaag bhaag… bhaag bhaag…
bhaag bhaag…

hum to hain kabootar…
do pahiye ka ek scooter…
zindagi… jo dhakelo to chale…
arre, kismat ki hai kadki..
roti kapda aur ladki… teeno hi…
papad pelo to mile…
ye bheja garden hai
aur tension maali hai

mann ka taanpoora…
frustration mein chherre ek hi raag…
raag… raag… bhaag…

bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK Bose DK bose
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK bhaag…
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK Bose DK bose
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK bhaag…
hey, abhi aayi abhi aayi abhi aayi bhi aayi
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK bhaag…
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK Bose DK bose abhi aayi yay…
daddy mujhse bola…
tu galti hai meri…
tujhpe zindgaani…
guilty hai meri…
saabun ki shakal mein…
beta tu to nikla keval jhaag..
jhaag… jhaag… bhaag…

bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK Bose DK bose
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK bhaag…
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK Bose DK bose
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK bhaag…

abhi aayi abhi aayi abhi aayi bhi aayi
bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK bhaag…

bhaag bhaag DK Bose DK Bose DK bose
abhi aayi yay…

bhaag bhaag… bhaag bhaag…
bhaag bhaag… bhaag bhaag…

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Management lessons – Volume 1


Recently, I was lazing arround with my friend and we had a argument over a trivial issue. the issue was not that is worth discussing here but the line of thought of my friend were so hilarious that i decided to put it here.. (sorry buddy for putting things here, but i could not resist 😉 )
What he insisted was that we are being ruled by dick-heads, while i said that he was wrong cos dickheads would soon be thrown off by the inteligent ones by virtue of democracy. But my friend was ready with the following hilarious story which actually made me think over my idea of an boss so his story goes like this…

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.” The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.” The hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.” And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

so the lesson i learnt from this is: You don’t need brains to be Boss, any fcuking asshole will do! 

What we engineers think?


 True engineers are known to be very technical. Infact so much that we can get a bit handfull but i guess its nowhere near to even our wild guesses.
 
 
CALORIES BURNED DURING SEX!      
     
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:         
With her consent 12 Calories      
Without her consent 2,187 Calories      
           
OPENING HER BRA:         
With both hands 8 Calories      
With one hand 12 Calories      
With your teeth 485 Calories      
           
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:         
With an erection 6 Calories      
Without an erection 3,315 Calories      
           
POSITIONS:         
Missionary 12 Calories      
69 lying down 78 Calories      
69 standing up 812 Calories      
Wheelbarrow 216 Calories      
Doggy Style 326 Calories      
Italian chandelier 2,912 Calories      
           
ORGASMS:         
Real 112 Calories      
Fake 1,315 Calories      
           
POST ORGASM:         
Lying in bed hugging 18 Calories      
Getting up immediately 36 Calories      
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately 816 Calories      
           
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:         
If you are:         
20-29 years 36 Calories      
30-39 years 80 Calories      
40-49 years 124 Calories      
50-59 years 1,972 Calories      
60-69 years 7,916 Calories      
70 and over Results are still pending      
           
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:         
Calmly.. 32 Calories      
In a hurry 98 Calories      
With her father knocking at the door 5,218 Calories      
With your wife knocking at the door 13,521 Calories      
        
Results may vary!

Stupid Questions in obvious situations


10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends…

Stupid Question:-

Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:-

Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…

Stupid Question:-

Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:-

No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…..why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…

Stupid Question:-

Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:-

Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-

Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??

Answer:-

No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years…

Stupid Question:-

Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.

Answer:-

Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…

Stupid Question:-

Is the guy you’re marrying good?

Answer:-

No,he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout…it’s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…

Stupid Question:-

Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:-

No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping….you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…

Stupid Question:-

Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:-

No, its autumn and I’m shedding……

9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…

Stupid Question:-

Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:-

No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…

Stupid Question:-

Oh, so you smoke.

Answer:-

Gosh, it’s a miracle …….it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

Types of Marketing


 This is how my friend explained me what marketting is all about:- 

You see a gorgeous girl at a party .
You go upto her and say ,"I am very rich. Marry me !
That's Direct Marketing.


You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl
One of your friend goes upto her and pointing at you says,
"He is very rich. "Marry him"
That's ADVERTISING


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say ,"HI , I M VERY RICH. MARRY me "
That's TELEMAKETING.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and
pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say,"by the way, i m very rich. will you marry me ?"
That's PUBLIC RELATIONS


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl
She walks up to you and says,"You are very rich"
That's BRAND RECOGNITION.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say. "I'M rich.Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's CUSTOMER FEEDBACK !!!!!!!!!!


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say. "I'M rich.Marry me"
And she introduces you to her husband.
That's DEMAND and SUPPLY GAP


You see a gorgeous girl at a party with somone you know.
You go up to her and before you say,"I am very rich. Marry me !"
she turns her face towards you......... ......... ..she is your WIFE !!

 

 

 

 

That's COMPETITION eating into your market share

.

 

Bored of the 9-5 office schedule??? Try these…


Note:- If you have any brains/grey matter/top floor of your body, please remove it and read ahead..

One-Point Office Dares
 
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
 
2) Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
 
3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, “Just called to say I can’t talk right now. Bye. ”
 
4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
 
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way. ”
 
6) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
 
Three-Point Dares
 
1) Say to your boss, ” I like your style ” and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
 
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, “Did you get all that, I don’t want to have to repeat it.”
 
3) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a ‘non-player’ within sight).
 
Five Point Dares  
 
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
 
2) Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
 
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Ramu”
 
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two.”
 
5) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.’
 
6) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, all of you just shut up!”
 
7) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God as my witness, I’ll never go hungry again. ”
 
8) In a colleague’s OUTLOOK Calender , write in the 10 am slot: “See how I look in tights.” (5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
 
9) Carry your keyboard over to your boss and ask, “You wanna trade?”
 
11) Posing as a maitre d’, call a colleague and tell him he’s won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
 
12) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
 
13) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
 
14) Hang a 2′ long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
 
15) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist.
 
16) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
 
17) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.
 
 
And if that wasn’t enough for you.
How to keep a healthy level of insanity:
 
1) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
 
2) Put you r waste basket on your desk and label it ” IN ” ..
 
3) Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy. ”
 
4) Dont use any punctuation
 
5) Use, too.much; punctuation!
 
6) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
 
7) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
 
8) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
 
9) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, “Hell fire. ”
 
10) When the money comes out of the ATM, cry “I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!! ”

 ps:- I have tried some of these in my office. If you want to be labeled as a straight shooter, you can try these..

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