What we engineers think?


 True engineers are known to be very technical. Infact so much that we can get a bit handfull but i guess its nowhere near to even our wild guesses.
 
 
CALORIES BURNED DURING SEX!      
     
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:         
With her consent 12 Calories      
Without her consent 2,187 Calories      
           
OPENING HER BRA:         
With both hands 8 Calories      
With one hand 12 Calories      
With your teeth 485 Calories      
           
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:         
With an erection 6 Calories      
Without an erection 3,315 Calories      
           
POSITIONS:         
Missionary 12 Calories      
69 lying down 78 Calories      
69 standing up 812 Calories      
Wheelbarrow 216 Calories      
Doggy Style 326 Calories      
Italian chandelier 2,912 Calories      
           
ORGASMS:         
Real 112 Calories      
Fake 1,315 Calories      
           
POST ORGASM:         
Lying in bed hugging 18 Calories      
Getting up immediately 36 Calories      
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately 816 Calories      
           
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:         
If you are:         
20-29 years 36 Calories      
30-39 years 80 Calories      
40-49 years 124 Calories      
50-59 years 1,972 Calories      
60-69 years 7,916 Calories      
70 and over Results are still pending      
           
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:         
Calmly.. 32 Calories      
In a hurry 98 Calories      
With her father knocking at the door 5,218 Calories      
With your wife knocking at the door 13,521 Calories      
        
Results may vary!

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Stupid Questions in obvious situations


10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends…

Stupid Question:-

Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:-

Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…

Stupid Question:-

Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:-

No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…..why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…

Stupid Question:-

Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:-

Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-

Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??

Answer:-

No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years…

Stupid Question:-

Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.

Answer:-

Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…

Stupid Question:-

Is the guy you’re marrying good?

Answer:-

No,he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout…it’s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…

Stupid Question:-

Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:-

No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping….you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…

Stupid Question:-

Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:-

No, its autumn and I’m shedding……

9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…

Stupid Question:-

Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:-

No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…

Stupid Question:-

Oh, so you smoke.

Answer:-

Gosh, it’s a miracle …….it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

Read your appraisal reports carefully


This mail came to me as a casual forward. While, most people will take it as a joke, but this is the grim corporate reality. What you see as an appreciation, later comes out as an sarchasm. What you see is not what is happening.. People trying to gain that extra edge all the time… and what not..

This mail was sent by someone’s senior, to the HR dept in two mails realising that the employee is reading the appraisal over his shoulder.. the second mail is actually the real trick where you realise how shrewed a proper manager can be.. they reprimand you in a way that you actually look forward to the next encounter…

Now, coming to the point, here is the mail

Attention: Human Resources

Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found

hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without

wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never

thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended

measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping

coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no

vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be

classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be

dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be

promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

executed as soon as possible.

Regards,
Project Leader

—————————-
e-mail number 2
Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability.
Regards,
Project Leader

The day when I realised that I was actually alive…


Happiness is not something that will can be sought whenever you want, its precious. Infact so much that we do get it, we just dont wanna let go of it.. it clings on to you in the form of feeble memories untill you grow tired of them and then do something thats more intresting.. its not a quantative term.. you cant get little happiness, or enough happiness. Ironically, same is the case with sadness also.  Infact, people are so desperate to forget the sadness in their lives, that they themselves are always aware of what they have to forget.. sounds stupid is it?? but when was the last time when you actually forgot something bad that happened to you???

The bigger irony is that, actually, happiness is never appreciated untill it is preceeded with some sadness… now dont fall off your chair laughing, cos i am very serious.. to be very frank, i was one of you untill i had what can be termed in the books of LUCK as a “bad day -(turned into a) – not so bad day – (to finally)- an awesome day.

This is how it went along it can also be anyone elses story…

you get up late in morning realising alarm did not go off, you go to loo and realise there is no watter, somehow MANAGE TO clean (BUT STILL STINKING) and rush to the parking lot to realise bike tyre is punctured, You curse yourself, drag the bike to the nearest tyre shop,and the shopkeeper says.. SAHEB, AAPKA TYRE BARBAD HO GAYA HAI, You  realise you forgot the wallet, and you are now 3 kms from home. Shopkeeper says JAANE DO SAHEB, BAAD MEIN DE DENA. You feel like kissing him but finally, sanity takes over you and you simply thank him..

You Reach office ( somehow ) still stinking (body odour, you know the other smell), Your boss yells at you (at your entry), you go for the meeting (late), realise that the secretary (the one on whom you have a crush) is staring at you (with a disgusted look), somehow you endure the meeting and after the meeting, she talks to you for the first time 😉 .You listen to her (with a big smile on your face) only to realise that she was saying “you are stinking like a pig”, but you get a compliment from your coleague next cubicle on your dressing sense.  You almost make her suicidal with your lectures on  “how a tie is to be worn” and “how good women look in saries” .

Your coleague comes over to you asking you to help him in some stupid and awefull work. You want to refuse but you cant since he is your best friend..

You somehow survive till mid day, you are almost dead with hunger, You get to the canteen to see your favourite dish being served. THEN, You realise that your wallet is at home, You look at everyone enjoying their meal, you feel suicidal, finally frown, turn arround disgusted only to find your friend saying, “SAALE, CHAL PARTY AAJ MERE TARAF SE HAI”. (you are so happy that you push everyone out of the line to get the food and almost everyone in the canteen laughs at you at the way you gobble the food.. pure bliss).

You return from the canteen to find that you have lost your phone, You search a lot but finally give up the hope… finally your worst enemy in the office comes with your phone saying “agli baar wapas nahin launga”.. you thank him profusely..

You “power on” the phone to find an unread sms, the msg is from a friend (on whom You had a crush since your childhood) , she wants to meet you… URGENT….

You take the rest of the day off, push the starter of your bike, ride 200 kms in the scorching sun, wait outside her home for an hour, you send a sms to your her, no reply…

You wait for 2 hours, and finally you get an sms with the magic three words!!! I’ll be late!!! You curse your luck, and start riding home considering its already 8pm and you have office tomorrow after a 200 kms ride back home…

You start your ride home, get to the next signal, someone crashes into you from the rear, and you find its her!!! You realise the fun of boozing on the rocks near the sea shore.. a souvenier on the cheeks..mission accomplished…

You drop your friend at home, start the return journey, bike runs like hell, top out on 125kmph, scare the shit out of yourself, You sing to yourself, You are the world’s best rockstar…

Finally reach home, kiss & thank your bike for a good ride, wish it a good night, crash into the bed and write this log, almost half asleep.. what a day!!

True sacrifice never pains


Sacrificing & donation mostly goes as in a single line for most of the people. For most of the people, sacrifice is nothing more than donation.. They believe that giving your leftovers to others is sacrifice.. Sacrifice is often a term that is associated with social service. And is a thing that puffs up the ego of many. Organisations advertise about them serving people, doing benefit to nation… blah blah…most politicians claim that they are sacrifing their lives for the country etc etc…

             Now this is where the problem begins.. If you have ever sacrificed something, you will know that this is often the most undesirable thing that we will ever want to face. we actually run from sacrifices. and there is a very good reason why we fear sacrifices. we fear cos we know that sacrifice is when you part with something that has a lot of value for you. something that you would otherwise have a cat and dog fight to get. This is the essence of sacrifice. It is not necessary that you always lose, cos most of the time that loss is for a something that you believe in and you will feel contended after that. getting confused in the last line??? let me explain.

              My aunt, had a highly successfull career 8 years ago. she was not from a “filthy rich family” but definately well settled. my Uncle had a business of his own. my cousin was very good at studies and there was nothing that she would have wished more. now if you note, I mentioned “HAD” and not “HAS”.Tthe reason is she left the luxury of an air conditioned office, left the successfull career she had, left her comforts behind just because she one day saw that there is more to life than just earning money. She collected her money, pestered the local politicians for some grants, and started an “MAHILA ASHRAM”. Not the one where women are kept untill their cases are resolved but a place where they could be taught the way to live a better life. She used to accompany them to the court and back. My Aunt and Uncle had to many times go to the police station if a problem arose, but she soildered on.

                 The point is not that she is a very great person, or that I am advertising here but that she did those sacrifices of her. She actually felt relief from the fact that she was serving someone who was in crying need.

                 What pisses me off is not that people dont sacrifice things for others, but its the fact that they dont actually sacrifice but they publicise that they do. Mind you, having the best part of the cake and giving the leftovers (which you wont eat) to others is not sacrifice. thats called as waste management.

Sacrifice is when you fight with your boss for a leave, decide to tour to your chilly childhood dream destination, put on the cozy warm leathers, hop on your bike to ride to your favourite destination, and you see a child barely dressed in a chilly day, you kill the plans for the ride and put the child in some school with that money that you had been saving ever since you started riding.

Sacrifice is when you are amidst a ride, extremely hungry, have only the money for the next meal, you see a woman with a new born child but has nothing to eat, and you buy her something to eat instead.

Sacrifice is when you spend the whole evening with your kid watching his favoriote cartoons (which you hate) even though you have your group of friends riding arround and having the fun of their life.

Sacrifice is when you see a old woman cross a road, you pull over, stop your bike, assist her to cross the road. sacrifice is something that you do to help others with no beifit to you except the moral satisfaction..

This list can go on and on and on.. but now coming to the point of  ” It is not necessary that you always lose”.

               What I want to put out here is not that you have to sleep on a bed of thorns to do sacrifice or that you need to do something that rivals mother teresa. no dear, sacrifice actually makes people feel better cos your heart is relieved of the guilt of doing something wrong. But this is only when you really want to sacrifice. if its forced upon you then it becomes a pain. and when it pains, The first thought is get out of this as quick as a mouse running from a cat. And then people look out for shortcuts and degrade the essence of sacrifice and then start relating sacrifice only with pain and suffering.

              So guys sacrifice only when you want to , not because you feel it will publicise you or because you are already doing something and it wont take much from your side to make it look as a sacrifice…

giving what you dont require is not a sacrifice. its as good as throwing garbage in dustbin. Just getting rid of stuff..

Ps: I have not yet sacrificed things for others but as far as sacrificing for my friends and family is concerned, I am damn sure that the things sacrifced were not more important than the person for whom i was sacrificing..

Biking just Rockz…..Go, Rule everyone…


This poem was actually penned down my someone i barely know but i loved the poem.

ps:- If you know the guy who penned this down, please let me know..

so here goes the poem in his words..

Power to ride, rule and rock!

This one goes for the spirit of biking…….

hitting on the road …. and keep on riding….

feeling da rush in the soul i got….. adrenaline gush goes through my heart…

driven by thunder is all what i need….

playing with the devil in case indeed….

pack up yo bags and move up the speed…..

bike is my dragon.. fire in my wheels !!

boyz n girlz…..u got to be mean…….

to push up the limits and your need for speed…..

the road is just like a path to the sky…..

biking like an addict’s gonna make you high…..

set up your mind….this thing aint easy…

its the fire in your heart that drivez you crazy….

breathing the air at a speed 360……

watching no s**t….and losing on yo safety……

the machine is your friend….best on the road….

it would take u till the end…wherever it goes….

bending on the curves or touching on the shores……

biking is what gives my soul remorse..!!

so i made up this point……to jet on the road…..

leave all behind…..win the race on my own……

emotions on the top…..they alwayz climb..

when i set on my wheels and just start this grind……

i’d make my way myself 2nyt…….

it’s the bike that i need……coz i want to burn the ice !!

so start your journey…… here is your moment….

grab it in style..or it’s gone or stolen…

biking is like a fuel to your fire……

bringz out your devil….fulfills desires….

bike for yourself …or just bike for that fun….

biking just rocks…..go and rule everyone !!

Types of Marketing


 This is how my friend explained me what marketting is all about:- 

You see a gorgeous girl at a party .
You go upto her and say ,"I am very rich. Marry me !
That's Direct Marketing.


You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl
One of your friend goes upto her and pointing at you says,
"He is very rich. "Marry him"
That's ADVERTISING


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say ,"HI , I M VERY RICH. MARRY me "
That's TELEMAKETING.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and
pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say,"by the way, i m very rich. will you marry me ?"
That's PUBLIC RELATIONS


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl
She walks up to you and says,"You are very rich"
That's BRAND RECOGNITION.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say. "I'M rich.Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's CUSTOMER FEEDBACK !!!!!!!!!!


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say. "I'M rich.Marry me"
And she introduces you to her husband.
That's DEMAND and SUPPLY GAP


You see a gorgeous girl at a party with somone you know.
You go up to her and before you say,"I am very rich. Marry me !"
she turns her face towards you......... ......... ..she is your WIFE !!

 

 

 

 

That's COMPETITION eating into your market share

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